Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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