I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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