You can't special order awesome
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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