omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
