Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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