I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
