it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
