Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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