It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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