when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
