I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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