He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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