Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
