Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
