he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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