youre lurking in front of me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
