how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
