so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
