From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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