Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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