Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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