Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
