he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ok first of all what the fuck
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
