i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
