So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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