The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
