Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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