Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
