why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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