OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
