it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
