Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
