smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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