So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I love you.
Bad choice
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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