People with herpes should wear stickers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We need to get me chipped asap
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
