You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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