How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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