I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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