I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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