Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
