never play flip cup with pint glasses
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
