when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
