So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
