i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
