Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
