Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
