If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize