I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
