Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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