I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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