your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
