Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
