I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
