my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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