Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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