Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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