I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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