we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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