She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
