yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
