New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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