I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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