just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
