That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
