stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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