There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
