yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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