I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would ride that face into the sunset
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
